Although this text is primarily written from a female perspective, the experiences and behaviours described apply to all genders, as they reflect universal human dynamics.
It’s surprising how often men, whose wives or girlfriends were in the same group as me, flirted with me. When I was younger and more naive, I used to think, “What fools their wives are! Don’t they see what a womanizer and idiot their husband is?” At that moment, I felt better about myself at the expense of this idiot man and this foolish wife. Yet I engaged in the game and flirted back with these men, feeling no respect for them. This was simply a natural instinct of competition with other women, especially if his wife was beautiful and shining in the center of attention. I wanted to “show her that she isn’t the center of the universe,” to ground her, to strike her feminine pride. Of course, at that time, it was my low self-esteem speaking and my desire to raise my self-worth by lowering others.
Falling in love with a “slut”? Falling in love with a womanizer? It’s equally disgusting for both sides. But everyone in this game thinks of themselves as the saint.
If a husband flirting with other women, pays attention to someone besides his wife, it means that, in essence, it doesn’t matter to him who is by his side. He doesn’t respect himself, his wife, or his life choices. Of course, such a man is not worthy of respect from another woman or anything deep. He deserves only to be used and thrown away. These married men are also searching for women to exploit, proving their worth and masculinity.
Subconsciously, women understand that a husband who is flirting with other women is a bad man. He isn’t suitable for a family or any meaningful feelings. The woman beside him is merely a puppet to satisfy his needs, a plug for his inner void, not a soul, not a person. Her personality, her qualities, her needs don’t matter. And women understand this—they use such men. They don’t wish to fall in love with such a man because doing so would mean losing respect for themselves, feeling the same despair as that man does. It means that this woman completely devalues herself as a person and recognizes herself only as a «tool» for his penis or a plug for his emotional wounds.
Because if a married man has a caring and loving wife who looks after him, but that’s not enough for him, it means he’s incapable of appreciating what he has. He’s trading this love and care for the attention of a girl who couldn’t care less about his feelings, who isn’t even capable of respecting him. He swaps his caring and loving wife for some random girl who just wants to assert herself at his expense. This person fleetingly uses others, casting doubt on something real that he already has.
Men treat women the same way when they believe these women are not suitable for marriage. They don’t respect them—their bright makeup, their provocative behavior, their lack of meekness and loyalty, their rebellious nature, and thirst for adventure. They can have fun with such women, but falling in love and marrying one of them would mean losing respect for themselves.
This happens when we want to get something without giving anything in return. If we seek attention from another person without giving respect to them (for instance, a husband flirting with other women but, of course, not planning anything serious), we meet the same kind of person, a mirror reflection, who doesn’t respect us and only wishes to use us for their purposes (like a girl who wants to get gifts and go on dates). So when you’re outraged that someone wanted to use you, take a look at yourself—you may have wanted to use someone too.
Now let’s talk about the feelings of the caring and loving wife
She’s humiliated in front of everyone by her husband, when he flirts with another woman, embarrassing her and making it seem like the other woman is more attractive and interesting than his wife. . The other girl betrays female dignity and solidarity by deciding to show off in front of the male, instead of respecting another woman’s feelings and putting herself in her place. And the wife must keep her face and smile. She has to pretend to be clueless, not seeing what her husband is doing, or else she’ll have to create a scene. And then she’ll look even more foolish because her husband and the girl will widen their eyes in surprise and tell her, along with all the others present, that nothing happened and she’s a crazy hysteric. They’ll make her doubt her own feelings and perceptions. The fact that a partner cheats is often overlooked by others, leaving the betrayed person in emotional turmoil.”
No one in this picture will be the “bad guy”
Because later, when they talk about feelings at home and the wife tries to explain to her husband that it hurt her, he will sincerely not understand. “I was just talking, am I not allowed to talk to a girl now?” And he’s not lying—he really was just talking. He doesn’t realize that the only reason he finds listening to the senseless chatter of a silly girl for hours interesting, is the desire to attract her and get validation of his own worth. But it happens entirely unconsciously and only becomes conscious when he gets what he wants. In that moment, he’ll ask himself, “What am I doing? How did I end up in this situation?” Of course, purely by accident. It was all those seductive women who trapped the innocent, faithful husband. He will genuinely believe that he is so attractive, a woman can’t even talk to him without wanting to jump into bed with him.
The wife can leave or stay, continue caring for him, or realize that this person is unworthy of her attention. But regardless of the outcome, she loses respect for her husband. That very look with which a woman views her man, realizing that he is her god, fades away. And thus, the married man loses the respect of all the women around him, but each one will do everything possible to ensure he doesn’t realize it.
The Game of Seduction is a Game of Two Egos
It’s the devil playing in our minds, leading us to be tempted by ideas and believe in things that don’t exist. After all, any game of seduction is a game of two Egos. One person starts the game, and the devil inside whispers in their ear, «What if no one likes you? Let’s test it out?». And the second player, seeing the attention of the first, hears their devil whisper, “Let’s respond and check if they really like me, or am I imagining it?” And both play this game for as long as they need to get the confirmation that they’re liked by the other. There’s no attention to the other person here, as all these questions and getting to know each other are just elements of the game called “look at how great I am.” Either “I know how to listen and ask questions,” or “I know how to talk about myself.”
Each person in this game has their boundaries—how far they can and want to go, how much they need to confirm their own worth. But it’s never about the other person. It’s always about themselves. The other person is merely a subject, a mannequin, a puppet for their own needs. Or a reflection in the mirror, where we look, make faces, and then tell ourselves, “I’m great!” and go on with our day.
These mirror performances will continue until people realize the true nature of this game. And then we’ll stop using each other and will be able to build deep, meaningful connections.
This is called awakening: When we see the essence of each game and dig to the very core. It’s a disappointing journey, meant to strip away all the masks from the games we’ve played, revealing their meaninglessness. But it’s not a sad journey because it’s just the path of truth, which can’t be either good or bad. It simply exists, regardless of whether we see it or not.
