I would like to present the following text from Rupert Spira, taken from his seven-day retreat:
“What Do You Want?
If we were to survey all seven billion people and ask each one: “What do you want most in life?” What do you think the majority of people would answer? Most would say they want better relationships, deeper connections, more money, better health, a nicer home, or a better job—or even no job at all. Family, friendships, and other similar desires would also likely come up. Some people might ask for less material things, like the knowledge of God or enlightenment. Ultimately, what do you want? Beneath all these desires, what we truly seek is the happiness we believe these things will bring us.
What Makes Us Happy?
However, if we then asked: “If you knew that your next relationship would cause you pain, would you still want it?” Or, “If having more money would make you unhappy, would you still desire it?” If you knew that enlightenment would bring you suffering, would you still seek it? Naturally, everyone would answer “no.” This should make it clear that what makes us happy is not the material things or relationships themselves, but the happiness we associate with them.
Yet, note that whatever makes us happy today doesn’t always continue to make us happy. Sometimes, the same things that bring joy can later cause discomfort. If this weren’t the case, we would all be blissfully married to the first person we ever fell in love with.
The mere fact that an object, activity, or relationship can make us happy one day and unhappy the next should be enough to show that happiness does not reside in external things, substances, activities, or relationships. True, lasting happiness cannot come from outside ourselves.
A State of Total Awareness
Happiness has nothing to do with objects, events, or circumstances. It is tied directly to a state of total awareness of what is in our hearts and minds. At times, happiness may seem like a fleeting experience, coming and going unpredictably. But this is like thinking that a small patch of blue sky seen through clouds is a temporary, localized phenomenon. In reality, the blue sky is always present, simply obscured by the clouds. Happiness is similar—it is the ever-present background of our being, momentarily revealed when the clouds of resistance lift.
So, what clears away these clouds? It’s simply our acceptance—our inner “yes” to the present moment. If we say “no” to the situation, the clouds gather and obscure the happiness that is always in the background. This understanding brings us closer to the realization of conscious happiness—a happiness that arises from within and is not dependent on external factors.
To experience continuous peace and happiness, all we need is to say “yes” to our current circumstances. In fact, it’s not even about saying “yes” consciously—this openness to experience is our natural state of awareness. It’s who we are, not something we have to practice or strive to achieve. “Meditation is a universal ‘yes’ to everything.” This universal acceptance is the essence of our being—it’s not something we do, it’s something we are.
This is what leads to independent happiness—a happiness that doesn’t rely on external conditions. True freedom comes from realizing that our source of happiness is always within, never dependent on the events or people around us.
Like the space in a room that doesn’t judge what enters, we too are open to everything that arises within our awareness, whether pleasant or unpleasant. Our very nature is this openness. We don’t need to cultivate it—it’s already here. What we do, however, is resist certain things. Whatever we say “no” to causes us to suffer. It’s that simple. Our suffering is our own doing; no one else imposes it upon us.
If we think that losing something, or the behavior of our partner, or the state of our health or finances is the reason for our unhappiness, we are deceiving ourselves. None of these things can make us unhappy unless we allow them to. The only thing that leads to unhappiness is our inner “no” to the current situation. Suffering is not imposed on us by anyone or anything—it is our moment-by-moment choice.
This doesn’t mean we must live passively or accept unjust behavior. Rather, it means that our actions can stem from joy rather than resistance. When we stop resisting life and its circumstances, we are free to act from a place of enthusiasm and joy, not defensiveness.
Conscious Lasting Happiness
This joy and lasting happiness are the essence of who we are, and they are available to us 24/7. Happiness doesn’t come from external sources—whenever we feel happy, it arises from within. If someone told you right now that you had just won $10,000, you would immediately feel happy. That happiness didn’t come from outside; it was already within you, waiting to be triggered by your inner “yes” to the news.
So why not greet everything in life with the same openness? Whatever your current experience—whether it’s your health, your partner’s behavior, or anything else—the happiness you seek is already present within you. Imagine the freedom of knowing that your happiness doesn’t depend on anyone or anything. Everyone in a relationship should turn to their partner and say: “I love you, but I don’t need you. I don’t expect you to provide me with happiness, and nothing you do or stop doing can make me either happy or unhappy.” This is the kindest thing you can say to your partner—freeing them from the impossible burden of being responsible for your happiness.
The source of happiness is true freedom
If you enter a relationship believing it will make you happy, you can be sure it will also make you unhappy at some point. But this is not a reason to avoid relationships; it’s simply a reason not to seek happiness in them. Make sure your pursuit of relationships, objects, or experiences comes from a place of happiness, not as a means to achieve it. Then, whatever you desire—whether it’s a person, an object, or an event—becomes an expression of your existing happiness, not a path to it.
In this way, life becomes a celebration of your innate happiness rather than a constant search for it. In this, we recognize our source of happiness lies within, always available regardless of external conditions.
True happiness is our natural state, independent of external circumstances. It is always present, just waiting for us to stop resisting the moment. When we do, we experience the profound freedom of living without needing to change the external world to find peace.
This insight liberates us from the endless cycle of seeking happiness in external conditions. We can still engage with life fully, but we no longer depend on outcomes to be happy. Instead, our happiness radiates outward, touching everything and everyone we encounter. This is conscious happiness—happiness by choice, not chance.
This is the essence of true freedom.”
